Finding flow in times of conflict

Dr. Tony NSA

The other day one of my patients was in for her regular visit. We got to talking a bit and she shared with me that she had had a hard day. She seemed preoccupied. While she was sharing with me, it felt as if even though she was physically in the clinic with me, her mind was back at an argument she had been having with someone at work or at home. It was really weighing on her.

Understandably there was a lot of tension in her neck and shoulders as her fight/flight reaction was still running high from earlier. Her breathing was shallow and she felt an anxiety in her chest.

To help her mind get on the same page as her body, we started the session off with guiding her to connect to and express the surface tension. It was not easy because her body was trying to move on but her mind and emotions kept pulling her back to the argument. But then once she had established more connection with her body we were able to turn our attention to helping her connect with the deeper tension.

In our relationships with others, whenever we are reacting from a hurt place within us, what we actually want is to be acknowledged by the other person. And if we don’t get acknowledged, in turn we subconsciously react to protect ourselves. We limit our trust, express resentment, and even anger. This reaction comes at the cost of creating a deeper tension in the body.

When we are in that reactive mode, the brain gets hijacked. It is impossible to find patience, compassion or perspective inside ourselves. Have you ever tried to reason with someone who was upset? 

This is when we can get very attached to the state of mind of “I’m right and he’s wrong”, and maybe seeing ourselves as a victim. The whole reason that we create that deeper tension in the body is to stop us from feeling hurt or less than. We don’t want to feel our deep seated wounds, wounds where we believe that we don’t matter, or that we’re so little. And that’s why this state of mind becomes a comfort zone. And this is a painful place to live from.

But when the body is supported, it is able to break free and transform. I love my work because I get to witness people making major shifts in their lives. Sometimes it happens with a Big Bang and sometimes it can happen in subtle ways. Every contact that I make has a purpose. For example I might hold a contact on your spine and ask you to focus there and then to lift that contact up. You end up lifting your body to a point in the air. Maybe at first you’ll notice yourself trying to figure out how to do it. Next you’ll notice that you’re making an effort and it feels uncomfortable. And lastly, you may reach a point where all of a sudden, all the effort disappears and you’re left holding your body up as if it were floating. And after you come back down to the table, you notice that a lot of the tension is gone.

When you lift the contact, you stretch the body with focus and energy. This way you’re able to expand through the tension and beyond the comfort zone. You’re able to experience flow rather than fight/flight. You’re able to stop reacting and the hijacking, expressing more patience, perspective and compassion.

When you come for your visit and we work together, we actually work with the mind body connection. This helps you to work through deeper, more subconscious tensions in your body so you can find flow and ease even in times of conflict. You’re better able to say no when you mean no and to say yes when you mean yes. And that is a happier life!

Waiting for the right moment
Terminologically speaking