Connecting isn’t a destination, it’s a continuous process. With practice it becomes easier and more natural.
When I say that it’s not a destination, I mean that it’s not a fixed state such as a peaceful state, or a zen state, or a relaxed state. These can be felt when you’re connecting but they aren’t necessarily the desired outcome of connecting or the ultimate goal.
Connecting to oneself involves so much more! Connecting is really you listening in to the conversation that is happening 24/7 between your brain and body and between your mind and your soul.
Connecting is feeling WHAT IS in the moment, be it sadness, tension, confusion, joy, anger or hunger. Connecting is also discerning between the various feelings that we can have throughout the day. Connecting is also noticing when we’re running on automatic pilot, be it through tension, pain, lack of breath, or repeating thoughts.
And connecting is not only to feel WHAT IS in the moment; it is also noticing what’s in the moment and then exploring further. Just because we feel sad or stuck or angry or helpless doesn’t mean that that’s all there is within us in the moment.
We have many different parts, many different rhythms happening all at the same time. Changes in mood, energy levels, hormonal secretions, different needs and goals, there is never just one thing happening.
I don’t think I started learning how to connect until I was in my late twenties. I think the world would be better off if we practiced with our children how to connect.
Two of the biggest challenges to connecting are distractions and the force of habit.
Distractions are all around us. In fact, many corporations are spending billions of dollars trying to find ways to get and keep our attention. These days I see people walking or standing around with earphones in their ears looking at their cell phones.
It seems to me that people are trying to block the world from coming in so to speak. In an attempt to limit the amount of stimulation, we disconnect further from ourselves and from each other. This is not a recipe for human progress.
The force of habit is very powerful mainly because it functions at the level of the subconscious. Our subconscious habits are controlling if and how we connect, how we pay attention, and what sorts of thoughts and emotions are playing, if we are not consciously connecting.
In other words, if we are not steering the ship, it’s being steered for us by our past conditioning.
When we’re able to connect within ourselves, we get more in tune with our bodies, our energy, our innate intelligence, intuition (which is knowing something that can’t be figured out), and our gifts.
When we connect more we have a “knowing”: A knowing where to draw the line. A knowing of when to say no. A knowing of what part of this relationship issue belongs to me and what part belongs to you. A knowing of what’s right for you even though it’s not right for someone else.
And we’re able to know and express the courage, certainty and love in those moments of discernment.
Self-healing starts with connection. The brain needs to be in contact with the body and vice versa. Without this fundamental connection, physical, emotional and mental disease ensues.
The other day George was in for his weekly visit. After the session, I asked him to sit up on the table and notice anything different about himself compared to when he first lay down.
He told me that he felt that his low back was hurting now where it wasn’t before. I asked him if there was a way that he could move or reposition himself while sitting on the table to relieve the pain in his low back. He closed his eyes, took a few moments and then changed how he was sitting. He then said that the pain had disappeared.
The more you learn what it feels like to connect, the more you can recognize it and make it happen.
What would it feel like to feel at home in your body? How would you breathe? How would you think? How would you move? Connecting is a skill that can be learned and practiced to deepen our relationship with ourselves.